Nanjing 2018-2019, Blog Post 10
A Conclusion. (One Year Later)
As I kept a journal the whole time I was abroad, and re-read it all to figure out how to voice these blogs, I really want to share a meaningful entry. This was from 7/6, the night before I left Nanjing. The week before I wrote this, I had been running/biking/metro-taking around saying goodbyes, visiting tourist sites and celebrating my friendships with all the people that were also headed home.
“Ok now that it’s feeling like goodbye time, I just wanted to write this goodbye. Liike we moved all the furniture, it’s the first night I haven’t been busy, & I’m just sitting here thinking about this semester. It hasn’t actually hit me I’m leaving, I’m saying goodbye to all that has happened here, all that’s changed me and all the relationships formed. Because last week felt like I was a happy robot, a person on a mission and a bubble of non-reality. But now it feels different, like tomorrow I finish packing up my adventure of a year, wrapping up my feelings, putting a bow on my head like a pacakge, & traveling home. It’s like all my dreams are coming true, so it’s nostalgic but ITS FINALLY HAPPENING.
I have so many mixed feelings now that the day is actually here. I don’t know, I just feel like second semester went by so fast. I’m not sure where the time went, but it’s just been so good. I am going to look at old pics now to take a trip down memory lane….
As I’m continuing my night in my bed reading my Mao book, I am also thinking about how much culture I’ve learned. I think studying abroad & explaining to other people why you think the way you think, why you do things the way you do also makes you grow. Just like saying, oh, in America, we do this. Or, oh, in this holiday, we do this. Like I literally explained to JiSoo that it was 4th of July a few days ago, and people wear swimsuits, grill out and put off fireworks. I don’t know, I also realize how much more chill am. Like I can just go with the flow and understand that other people also have plans. I’ve changed so much. I am so proud <3.”
Something about my last weeks in China were so special. Perhaps it’s because I didn’t know how things would pan out, that I’d be meeting up with people on the fly. Or perhaps because I didn’t know time could even possibly feel so absolutely dragged out. It was as if every day was another closer to home, but also one less day with my friends. It was a strange time.
I think the most meaningful part of the end of my time in China was saying the goodbyes. Coming back to the US, I feel that my friends here just don’t share that same bond with me. The people in China were different, because they also experienced many struggles. Whether it was difficulties with the food, balancing schedules, or being in the same boat of homesickness, the people I met abroad were unique because of the obstacles we overcame together. These relationships made saying goodbye even better, and our last days together were even more valued. The best part of all the endings was that I had my friend Iana through every single goodbye meal with other people, up until the day I left. She was the one that said farewell to me, sending me off into the taxi towards the airport, and that meant a lot to me.
When I left, I was sad that all the relationships I made were put on pause, and that we had to part our ways. But I’m so glad I have made some forever friends. I know that if I ever backpack through Europe after college like I always talk about or if these friends come to the US, we will be able to reconnect, even without constant contact throughout the years. I shared a special bond with a lot of people, through hardships, laughter, and adventures. So this last post is dedicated to them– to the people that shaped my year abroad, that made learning Chinese more fun, and to the forever memories, ingrained into our hearts.
During the last few weeks, someone told me to end my blog with a picture of myself from the end of the year. So here I am. Trying to stay present. Open minded. Forever growing.